


Thicc Briccs

by faeblesmith



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Based on True Events, Bottom Jack, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Slow Burn, bitty is a big ol' dumbo, eventually you will see that, it'll take a hot second, no kidding, there are a lot of real creeps in this story, zimbits is endgoal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16211744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeblesmith/pseuds/faeblesmith
Summary: Bitty may or may not have made a mistake in telling Holster that he had a fiance. He had had a fiance, but it was a bit of an untruth to say he still did. But it made all the creeps leave him alone, so it can't be that bad... can it?Or, the one where Bitty accidentally gets involved a very complicated lie.(This story is based on true events that made me go "HOLY SHIT DUDE, YOU'RE LITERALLY LIVING A FAN FICTION" and my friend (who was telling me all this) said "FUCK I KNOW!")





	1. Prologue

Bitty had never been more nervous in his life. His relationship with Todd had been slowly deteriorating for months and he knew it, but he also knew that breaking off a wedding was neither easy nor was it ever a clean break. He wasn’t sure what the catalyst had been, really, he just knew he’d had enough of the drinking and the fighting and the using Bitty’s money for drinking and video games. He planned to do it on a Thursday night because Thursdays were the only nights Todd was ever sober anymore.

 _Maybe,_ Bitty thought to himself, as he put an apple pie in the oven, _he’ll straighten up and fly right if he has time to feel the repercussions of his actions._ He set a 26-minute timer (he had gotten his recipe down to the precise second for perfect golden-brown-deliciousness) and began to run through what he was going to say.

“Todd, I know this seems sudden, but I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now and I don’t think we’re a good match for each other anymore.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “I’m real tired of the way you’ve been acting lately, and I just want out… I’m so sorry, sugar, I still love you bunches….” Bitty stops. He can’t even finish reciting it without Todd there. _I’ll never be able to do this…_ Bitty throws himself into a chair at the rickety little dining table in their rickety little kitchen and lets his forehead fall against the rough wood. The soft light of sunset was streaming in through the window, casting harsh shadows across their --soon to be _his_ \-- apartment and setting the perfect mood for an imperfect breakup.

The deadbolt _shlinks_ open and Bitty hears Todd’s boots thunk heavily onto the floor by the door. He didn’t move. Todd made his way into the little kitchen and throws an arm over Bitty’s shoulders.

“Eric...!” He drawls, alcohol seeping from his very pores. He was drunk. On a Thursday. “Eric, my sexy little love bunny! Why’re you just,” _hic_ “sittin’ there?” Bitty felt the sting of tears behind his eyes. “You not even gonna get up and give me a kiss?” Todd makes grotesque kissy noises right in Bitty’s ears.

“You’re drunk…” Bitty mumbles, his voice wavering. He finally lifts his head and violently shrugs Todd off of him. “You’re drunk!” He repeats, loud and forceful. Todd staggers back, a scowl etching itself onto his otherwise handsome features; he was never handsome when he was angry. “I can’t believe you, Todd! You’re drunk! Did you go to work drunk? Jesus _Mary_ , Todd!” Bitty was standing now, drawn to his full five foot seven in a rage.

“The fuck is with you, Bittle? What’s it to you if I’ve been fucking drinking?” Todd all but screams this at him, getting into Bitty’s face. The sun had sunk lower in the sky and Todd looked menacing, backlit in the reddening light.

“What is it to me? What is it to _me_ ? That’s hilarious, Todd! I’m so _sick_ of this!” Bitty pulled the dish towel from the belt loop where it hung and threw it on the table, unceremoniously. “I need you out of my life! Over the past six months, you have done nothing but bum off my money, and drink, and smoke, and play damn Overwatch!” He runs a hand through his hair, feeling the uneven growth of his once sharp fade. “I’m done, Todd. I’m just done.”

“The _fuck_ does that mean? ‘You’re done.’” Todd takes a step closer, Bitty takes a step back. “You fucking… You fucking breaking up with me?” Bitty just looks at him, watches the fractures form in his livid facade. He expected Todd to yell and scream, not waver and crack. “Eric, you- you can’t leave me,” he stammers. “I need you, baby. You can’t do this to me.” Bitty begins to feel bad for what he’s doing, but he won’t back down.

“I still love you, honey. I just can’t take the drinking anymore. I can’t take the fighting anymore, Todd. We don’t feel like a couple anymore; we feel like two roommates who happen to sleep together… sometimes.” The sun had finally sunk beneath the skyline and the two of them were left standing in the dull grey of a faded day. Bitty doesn’t turn on a light. “My name is on the lease for the apartment.”Bitty's timer begins to go off, bells softly ringing on the table next to them. He reaches over and turns it off, moving slowly to pull his pie out of the oven. It steamed gloriously in the grey around them; it was perfect and golden, but for once, Bitty didn't care. 

“Eric, you can’t do this. I’ll get better, I’ll stop drinking. I’ll do it this time!”

“No, Todd. Just stop.”  

The next day, Todd came by with a moving van to get what little in the apartment was his. Bitty still didn’t regret it.

That was December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what this is


	2. Freaks and Creeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I don't remember writing this! But here's three THOUSAND words I don't remember writing in the least. Further, prepare for some really disgusting folx based on very real folx and Bitty just? not responding appropriately.

Working at Briccoland wasn’t Bitty’s idea. He’d been visiting his college roommate Lardo (Bitty had dubbed her such when he discovered her eating a spoonful of the stuff “for her health” one Sunday morning; she retaliated by introducing him to her boyfriend, Shitty, who called him Bitty within three minutes of meeting him) and mentioned he was looking for a new job. “I hear that Briccoland is hiring. They pay pretty well, too,” she had said. Bitty wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth when he was offered a job in their cafe. It wasn’t that he didn’t like kids, he loved kids, and it wasn’t that he didn’t like Briccos, they had been one of his favorite toys growing up, but he still wouldn’t have chosen to work in an upscale fast food joint at the back of an amusement park in his local mall. 

His first day was eventful, to say the least. It was a frigid Boston Saturday in February, and Bitty wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, snuggled in the warm cocoon of blankets he had made for himself. But he also quite liked being able to pay his rent and eat on a semi-regular basis and so Bitty found himself braving the bitter cold in a thick jacket and violently green polo. He had spent time that morning fixing his hair and lightening the dark circles under his eyes but to no avail; as soon as he stepped into the February wind his hard work had been demolished. 

Bitty was no stranger to being The New Guy, but it never made it any easier. He awkwardly wanders into the office which he’d seen only once before. Sitting with his back to him was a woman who he vaguely recognized from his tour after orientation. Her name was…  Melody? He was pretty sure it was Melody. He hesitantly approaches, holding his phone against his chest like a child with a security blanket.

“‘Scuse me…” Bitty says, startling the lady. She was plump with a friendly-looking face and a perfect high bun. “Hi, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Eric Bittle, this is my first day here and I’m not really, uh, sure what to do?” The nice lady just smiles a big grin.

“Hey, honey bun. I’m Melody, it’s good to meet you.” She stands up and shakes his hand. “You said you’re Eric Bittle?” Bitty nods and grins, happy to have so quickly found a friendly face. “Well, you just so happened to have found your manager on your first try.” Melody laughs and Bitty lets out a surprised  _ oh! _ and laughs with her for a moment. “Alright, honey, you already know how to clock in until you get your login, right?”

  
“Oh yeah, Jess showed me during orientation.” Bitty and Melody chat for a few minutes before a short, slight woman with vibrant red hair slouches into the room, letting the door slam shut behind her. The office was a small place, with typical blue carpeting seen often in public schools. Bitty thought it was a very quaint little office, with Briccos hanging from the ceiling and personal photos from various managers and employees on every desk. The slight lady flits over to them and smiles at Bitty. 

“Hey, I’m Elex. I’m the cafe trainer. You’re Bittle, right?” Her voice was soft and meek, but friendly. Bitty nods, grinning at her. 

“Y’all can call me Bitty, though. Lord knows everyone else does!” He’s laughing as Melody makes squealing noises and flaps her hands wildly. Elex grins as well, rolling her eyes.

“Isn’t he precious! He’s itty Bitty!” Melody was delighted by his nickname, and that delighted Bitty. Maybe Briccoland wouldn’t be so bad if his coworkers were all so friendly. Elex was soft-spoken and mild-mannered, although her wife was the exact opposite of her, and Bitty knew he would get along just fine with everyone. At least, he thought he would. It didn’t take long for him to realize that not everyone was as friendly as Melody and Elex. 

The first time it happened, Bitty was chatting with a new friend he had made, who insisted Bitty call him Holster. 

“And, so, bro, that’s the story of how Ransom ended up winning the Miss New Northumbria pageant,” Holster says with a flourish of his pizza cutter. Bitty laughs loudly.

“So, you’re telling me that this  _ Ransom _ , who is a six foot two mammoth of a hunky hockey player just strolled on in and won a beauty pageant? What a guy!” The two laughed in the warmth of the industrial kitchen. Personally, Bitty preferred his own, which was soft and well loved; this one felt too much like a Sally’s burger joint for him to like it much. “I still can’t believe y’all don’t cook anything from scratch! Not even cookies! They’re so simple, I could bake a batch of chocolate chip before I could talk correctly!” At that moment, the swinging doors slam against the marble countertop and a short, angry looking man slouches into the kitchen. He grabs an empty pitcher from a rack before stopping in his tracks, eyes falling on Bitty. “Hiya!” Bitty says happily. “I’m Eric Bittle, but y’all ‘round here can call me Bitty!” Tyler flicks his eyes over Bitty’s body, as if sizing him up and the hairs on Bitty’s neck began to rise. 

Holster claps a hand on Bitty’s back and mutters something about needing to restock the coolers up front before all but running out of the kitchen. “Hey, Bitty,” the new guy grumbles, rolling his shoulders back and stretching a little bit. “I’m Tyler.” He gives Bitty a smirk that sends chills down his spine, and not in a good way. His eyes drag up and down Bitty’s body and Bitty takes a step back. 

“It’s real nice, uh, to meet ya, Tyler,” Bitty murmurs. “You workin’ back here in the coffee shop, uh, with us?” Tyler shrugs and turns to fill his pitcher with ice. Bitty shuffles closer to the sink, hoping that Tyler won’t keep staring at him when he turns around. 

“I’m on the entertainment team, actually. Is this your first day, Bitty Boy?” The hairs on his neck stayed prickly from the way Tyler had said his usually beloved nickname.  _ Plus, I’m nearly 23, I’m not some  _ **_boy_ ** . Bitty nods before realizing that with his back to him, Tyler couldn’t see it.

“Yessir, it is. I’ve been havin’ a real nice time so far! Everyone’s real friendly!”  _ Well,  _ Bitty thinks,  _ almost everyone… _ Tyler nods and turns back to Bitty, that same unnerving smirk still etched into his face from the moment he scalded Bitty with his stare. 

“Well, Bitty Boy, I’ve got to dash. I’ll, uh, see you around, yeah?” He winks and pushes back through the swinging kitchen doors. Bitty did not like him, not one little bit. He sneaks to the back of the kitchen, where the cameras couldn’t see him, and pulls out his phone to text Lardo.

_ Oh my LORD! I just met the CREEPIEST guy!!! _

_ holy fuck, bits, really? _

_ are you okay??? _

_ I’ll be fine!!! But he actually winked at me, Lards! Yuck! _

At the sound of the kitchen doors swinging open again, Bitty snaps up and shoves his phone into his pocket; Holster pokes his head into the back room and grins at Bitty. 

“Already have the guys falling all over you, Bitty. Come up front and I’ll show you how to work the register.” Bitty nods and follows him out. They chat and Bitty gets a chance to try his hand at making a Spacedollar drink. “Man, I’ve never seen Tyler so quickly infatuated with somebody… Must be because you’re so sweet.” Holster jokes and Bitty forces himself to laugh with him. 

“Honestly? He creeped me out a little bit… He, like, winked at me, you know? I don’t know, he gave me weird vibes.” Bitty didn’t want to make assumptions, but he didn’t think Tyler would be easy to work with. Then, as if summoned, Tyler came strolling back towards the coffee shop, only this time he didn’t head back to the kitchen, instead he came right up to  Bitty and began another conversation with him. 

“Heya, itty Bitty. You doing anything after work today? I wanted to show you around the attraction, introduce you to some people you probably haven’t met yet.” Bitty really wanted to say he had plans, but he also didn’t want to be caught in an awkward lie later. _How would he ever know?_ _It’s not like I’m going to see him all that often…_

“Uh, yeah, actually. I’m going out to see a movie with a friend of mine not too long after I get off. Thanks, though.” Bitty gives him as genuine a smile as he could muster, but he knew it must look fake. 

“C’mon, I’m sure you’ve got a few minutes to spare before your movie… it won’t take too long,” Tyler sounded insistent. “Or,” Tyler begins, taking a slight step toward Bitty and leaning closer, “I could join you and Holster fidgeted next to Bitty before speaking up.

“Tyler, dude, don’t be an ass. Bitty said he was busy.” Tyler shoots a glare at Holster over Bitty’s shoulder. Holster holds the stare, seeming unperturbed by the whole ordeal. Before anything too major can happen between any of them, a customer approaches the register and Bitty is saved from the terrible situation of breaking up a fight… over him… on his first day. Tyler doens’t immediately leave, however, and Bitty doesn’t know what to say to make it obvious that he wanted him out of the cafe. Holster was too busy with the suddenly forming line to wave Tyler off, but he could see Elex quickly approaching, rage in her eyes.

“Tyler! Are you annoying my trainee? Buzz off, man. Go help your birthday party or something.” While her words were heated, they were as quiet as they had been all day. Tyler seems to have some respect for Elex as he then gives Bitty a nod before slouching back out of the coffee shop. Elex glares after him and tells Bitty to watch himself around him before heading into the back. 

“I told you he creeped me out…” Bitty says to Holster when the last customer in line (a very nice lady who gave Bitty a sticker) had gone. Holster just nods. 

___

On Bitty’s way out, his day got a little bit worse. The break room was too yellow and he didn’t want to stay, but he also didn’t want to walk out into the budding snowstorm, so he sat next to Melody who chats with him animatedly. 

“Oh, hey, I need to warn you about something…” Bitty blanches, but nods at her to continue. “So, your other manager, Bud, he, uh, he’s kind of a manwhore. That’s really the only way to put it, kiddo. And, well, you’re a cute, sweet little Southern boy…” Melody trails off, probably realizing exactly how this affected Bitty.

“Goodness, is there a single straight guy in this place? I’ve already been creepily hit on, and now my manager, too!” Bitty says it with a laugh, and Melody laughs with him for a bit, but she calms down much quicker than Bitty. 

“Bitty, you’re so darling. I promise it’ll calm down here in a couple weeks, once people get used to you. And, yes, there’s a straight guy here, but he’s certainly not single!” She raises her left hand to show him a gorgeous sparkling ring and Bitty squeals. 

“Oh my goodness gracious! That’s absolutely wonderful! How cute, oh my gosh! Did y’all meet here?” Melody nods enthusiastically, launching into a story about how she and her fiancé met and fell in love. Bitty thought it was sweet enough to be a chocolate silk pie, and decided right then that he absolutely  _ must _ make Melody a pie or three. While the two of them gushed about engagements and weddings and being totally in love a fairly cute older guy comes into the office. He grabs a leather jacket off the back of a chair before seeing Bitty and smiling at him. Bitty did not like his smile, not because it wasn’t a nice smile but because Tyler had smiled at him just before launching into a gross attempt to seduce him. But, Bitty had not been raised in a barn, nor had his mama forgotten to teach him his manners, so Bitty smiles back and offers an introduction. “Hey, there. I’m Eric, but looks like everyone here is gonna be callin’ me Bitty.” The guy comes over and holds out a hand, which Bitty politely shakes. Melody watches the whole interaction with an amused smile. 

“Hey, Bitty. I’m Bud. Is this your first day?” Bitty nods, holding back a shiver at the eerie similarity to Tyler’s earlier question. “Hey, nice. How do you like it?”

“Mm… It’s pretty fun so far! Although not everyone is quite as nice as you and Melody are!” Bitty smile sweetly at Bud, who was quickly growing on him, despite the weird similarity in questioning to Tyler. Once again, Tyler seemed to know when Bitty had him on his mind because at that moment the man himself came into the office, as angry looking as before. When he spots Bitty sitting with Melody, his demeanor lightens up again and he rolls his shoulders back, again, he grins at Bitty too widely. 

“Bitty Boy! I thought you had a movie to catch!” Tyler’s grin stayed firmly in place as he came to lean against the filing cabinet next to Bitty. Bud simply rolls his eyes, scoffing like Tyler was simply a silly child. “Maybe I could still come along, if you’ve got time to just hang around and chat, eh?” Bitty swallows and puts on a happy face. 

“Oh, uh, I don’t think Lard- ah, Larissa would be too thrilled about having someone join us; it’s our special night, you know?” It sounded so fake, the lie was simply lying atop his words like a thin blanket and it was so obvious to Bitty, but the only person who seemed to notice was Melody who gives him a Look. 

“Jeez, Ty. Leave the kid alone,” Bud begins, giving Bitty a wink before turning his full attention to Tyler. “Just let him go see his movie with his little friend, man.” Tyler makes a face that pulls a good-natured laugh out of Bud. “What was that for?”

“You sound like my uncle, you creep,” Tyler says, his voice harsh and degrading. Bud’s happy demeanor falters for a split-second before he slips back into his chill, good guy persona. Bitty watches in both awe and horror as the two seem to face off  _ over him.  _

“Bitty, I can walk you to your car, if you want,” Bud offers suddenly, flashing a goofy smile at him. “Keep you away from this weirdo, yeah?” Bitty hesitates a moment before hesitantly nodding, leaving out the fact that he had walked to work. He’d just go a little ways into the lot and have Bud leave then. It doesn’t quite go like that.

Bud and Bitty leave the office, with Bitty chatting aimlessly about a nice customer he had had a wonderful conversation with that day. Bud didn’t seem interested, but he made the right noises at the right times and kept Bitty contented enough. It wasn’t until they were halfway across the parking lot that Bitty realized he needed to actually go home, but Bud hadn’t left his side yet.

“Well, my car is just right over there,” he says, motioning vaguely toward of cars. “I’m sure you want to go back to get your stuff and whatnot, so I’ll leave you here” Bud shrugs with just one shoulder. 

“I don’t mind, I already have everything I need. I’m happy to walk you all the way.”

“Oh, no, really, it’s fine, Bud. I’m sure you want to go home!” Bud just smiles down at Bitty, not leaving his side.

“Bitty. I’m going to walk you to your car, it’s fine. Besides, I helped you out earlier, the least you could do is let me walk you to your car…” He trails off, still smiling at Bitty, who is suddenly very, very aware that they are alone in the dark parking lot. “Hey, then maybe you’ll say thanks for not calling you out on that bullshit lie earlier.” Bitty’s eyes go as wide as saucers and he can feel his face heat up.

“What? What lie? I don’t-” Bud scoffs, just like he had done to Tyler some fifteen minutes prior.

“Don’t give me that shit, Bitty. That’s not a good way to start a relationship, is it? On lies?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you go now?” Bud’s smile falls, and he leans in close to Bitty’s face. “Stop, you’re making me uncomfortable,” Bitty whispers.

“I’m walking you to your car, Bitty,” Bud says, “and when we get there, you’re going to-” but Bitty doesn’t hear what Bud wanted him to do over the sound of his terrified footfalls as he ran. He ran as fast as he could for as long as he could before ducking into an alley, away from Bud, away from Tyler, and away from work. He texted Lardo.

_ Please come get me. _

_???  _

_ are u ok? _

_ No. _

_ Please just come get me. _

_ ok send me ur location and i’ll be there soon _

_ Thank you. _

Ten minutes later, Bitty is spilling the entire story to Lardo on the way back to his apartment; she is less than impressed.

“Bitty! You need to file a report against him! Maybe against both of them! Jesus, Bitty!” And she was right, he knew that, but…

“I can’t go around filing HR reports on my first week, Lardo. I’ll think of something else to get them to back off. If they don’t stop here in a week or so, I’ll go to Melody, okay?” Lardo mumbles something about ‘male harassment’ that sounded suspiciously like a Shitty-ism, but didn’t object to Bitty not immediately filing a harassment complaint.

That night, Bitty began to formulate a plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ??? follow me @faeblesmith i guess??? idk what this even is anymore


End file.
